Things You Need to Discuss if You’re Having Sex


From the dreamy thoughts of satisfaction, excitement, experience to realistic thoughts of consent, commitments, boundaries, expectations, pressure, preferences, STIs, and “what next”, everyone has their different point of views on sex. The universal agreement, however, is that sex should be satisfactory to both parties. While some would ‘expect’ their partners to ‘have it covered’. Moments of ‘yikes’ are very well seen in cases such as these. This is why you should take some time to consider a number of things before you do the deed. We get you *wink, talking about sex is probably on your list of “WILL NEVER EVER DOS”. Now, let us tell you that you have to take that bold, liberating, totally NORMAL ‘risk’ and save yourself from some really bad awkwardness. Would you rather risk massive turn off while in the throes of passion? Let us tell you what to do before sex. Don’t forget to stay safe!

1. Define Your Expectations

Sincerely, stating things clearly would do better than harm. In fact, the only negative effect of stating exactly what you want is that the sex won’t happen. That isn’t so negative, if you think about it. Make sure that you and your partner are on the absolute same page. Your expectations should especially cover your reason for having sex and the “what next” question that seems to break a lot of hearts on the bases of dating. Are you looking for commitment? Do you seek a one-time experience? Causal frequent sex? Casual infrequent sex? To avoid the situation of either person feeling used, the meaning of sex to your relationship is something that should be agreed upon by both parties.  You should not rush into anything that you are or your potential partner are not ready for or have mixed feelings about. You could even end up ruining a valuable relationship or feeling used.

2. What Does your Having Sex Mean To You?

This is a simple question, really. To some, it’s sacred. To others, there is no string attached. Know what works for you. Take note of what happens in the movies and learn from it. You may be a person who likes to have sex with strangers and forget about. You may be a person who prefers to have one partner with whom you are in a committed relationship. Confirming what sex means to you in comparison to what it means to your partner is one of the things to do before having sex it may be the factor you would need to determine if you want to go ahead or not. Of course, if you are willing to be adventurous, why not? Think well, though to maintain good emotional health.

3. Whether or Not They’ve Always Used Protection in the Past

Well, we can’t emphasize this enough. Discussing their past protection habits before having sex can be your saving grace from contracting a terrible STI. Bringing this topic up would let you gain insight into your potential partner’s sexual practice of safe sex.  It is one of the most important questions to ask before sex. You don’t want to sound insulting, but be firm in getting your question answered. You can go ahead to use contraceptives too, just in case. One can’t be too careful, right? If you find out they have an STI, be nice. Sometimes, the person might not even remember not using protection at a point in time.

4. Consent and Boundaries

Boundaries and consents should be made very clear. We emphasize on verbal consent because silence means “NO”. For the ladies, having sex for the first time with your boyfriend is bound to make you feel intruded at a point. Before and during sex, verbally give or withhold your consent to whatever is proposed by your partner. Remember that it is a two-way thing, so you should expect the same from your partner and ask if you are not sure of whatever. Also, remember to truthfully set your boundaries. Don’t claim to like some extremes if you are not so sure, else, you could end up putting your partner in an awkward position an end up embarrassing you both.

5. What Can You Do To Make This Experience Wonderful For Both Of You?

Preferences! If you’re going to have sex, why not have one that you’ll enjoy? Sex has been discovered to have an impact on your life. Honestly, communication is the best way to have this information. Have your partner say what he/she wants, say yours too. However, you could also pay attention to some details like setting the right mood and atmosphere for sex. With your lover, you could have romantic scented candles lit or make some cool dinner. Don’t have sex with the mentality of “perfection”, because the chances of that happening exactly the way you imagined it are quite slim. What can you do, then? Listen to your partner, get involved in some foreplay, be honest about your expectations, lead the way, and do your homework. There isn’t ONE thing that makes sex great, be sure to explore options, and engage your partner to do the same too.


Okay! Let’s be Having sex with someone new can be both exciting and intimidating. The idea and expectations of passion can be overwhelming too. There is a lot of pressure to attain perfection and ‘get it right’. Your preconceived notion of what sex should be could even put more pressure on you. While you are well aware that those pressures are ridiculous, having all of them sneaking into your thoughts can hinder you from enjoying the experience. Even though sex happens between two people, it is an intimately personal act. Take heed of these questions to ask before having sex. Use them as guidelines for having a wonderful experience.