Hookup vs Dating: What is the Difference?


In the modern world, there are two basic ways to go about having sex. One way is the tried and true method of dating. You get together with someone and start a relationship with them. You have to dedicate yourselves and be monogamous. At least that’s the long term dating way of doing it. There’s also the short term dating way that’s always an option. The next big way is simply by hooking up. It’s what a whole lot of people prefer. You seem to get it all with this option. You meet up with someone, have sex, then you just go your separate ways. It’s as easy and simple as that.

There’s a lot more to is, though. There are hundreds of different variables that can affect your ultimate decision on how you get yourself laid. Realistically, there’s no right answer. It’s just about what’s right for you. You also need to keep in mind that what’s right for you today may not be right for you tomorrow. That can have huge consequences down the line. So, what are all these details? We spoke with hookup expert Tony Parker from Kinky Hookup to understand some of the fundamental differences between a long-term relationship and short-term sexual encounters and here’s what he had to say on the subject.

A hook up should never last more than a night

To get to the real meat of what a hookup is, we’ll have to look at the definition. Informally, it’s “An instance of people meeting, communicating, or cooperating.” The meeting part is simple. You’re obviously getting together with someone. The cooperating part comes next. That’s when you both work together to make each other orgasm. It’s the sex part of the hookup. The biggest thing to look at is the word “instance”. It says right there that it’s only a moment in time. You’re hooking up for a night, not a lifetime. If you have someone that you sleep with, but not date, then you have a fuck buddy. That’s something completely different that would take a whole other conversation to fully understand. If you want to hook up, it has to be for a single night. That’s the whole concept behind it and it’s what keeps a lot of people from trying it. There are far too many Hollywood movies that make you believe you’ll develop feelings for the other person and have your heart broken. That’s just not how it works.

Hookups are fun and invigorating

Human beings are designed to like attention. We all want to be the best at everything and we need the adulation for it. Just look at a politician or movie star. They’re constantly forcing themselves into issues that they barely understand and have no chance of actually contributing to. It’s their egos making them do it and we all have them. There’s nothing more life affirming than believing that the people around you want to have sex with you. It gives you a rush of dopamine that nothing else can compare to. That’s why hooking up is so much fun. It makes us feel sexy and desirable. If we can go out and have sex with a stranger, then we must be extremely desirable. Why else would the other person want to have sex with us?

Hooking up as a fetish

Of course, the act of hooking up can be worth a whole lot more to certain people. These are the men and women who fetishize it. The best part about hooking up for them is the sex with strangers. Not knowing the person you’re being intimate with is a thrill. It’s what really turns them on. Some even seek out hook up partners who agree to share as little information about themselves as possible. Other still will willingly blindfold themselves and let the stranger take them anyway they want. They’ll never know what they look like or who they are. That’s what they like and desire about it. Hooking up as a fetish is growing by the day and more and more people are willing to try it out. Even if they never do it again, they’ll always have this one experience to look back on.

Long term dating

So what about long term dating? Well, simply put, you’re dedicating yourself to one other person in a relationship that’s about much more than sex. At the beginning of the relationship, you’re sharing memories and moments both in and out of the bedroom. You’re traveling and learning together while maintaining a sexual relationship at the end of it. As the relationship grows, you share more and more. You and your significant other share lives, bills, homes and sex. It’s the basis for most of western civilization and the main goal of most people on the planet. Men and women strive to get married and have families. Everything else they do is in service to it. It’s what their lives are based on and always will be. It’s a fine thought, but often a struggle for human beings. It turns out we were never really meant to be monogamous for our entire lives.

Short term dating

So we make our way to short term dating. This is a mix of the two concepts. With short term dating, you’re sharing your lives with each other, but not forever. The easiest example of this is with high school or college students. Men and women will date, but once their time in school ends, so does the relationship. They move on to a new one until that one expires. It fulfills our need for companionship, as well as out primal need to fuck as many people as possible in our lifetimes.

Things can change

People who seek out long term relationships often find themselves in the same bad position. After spending so much of your life with someone, you begin to feel that you’re missing out. Maybe there’s someone better for you out there. Maybe the sex can be hotter. These men and women often turn to hookups outside of their relationships and behind their partner’s backs. It can seem unpalatable, but it’s a fact of life. Anyone seeking a hookup can always find one if they look hard enough.